y did u give ur computer a hand job?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize