Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You're like the curious george of whores
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
