Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
