I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
