my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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