i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
