That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think my moral compass just broke
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