Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
