Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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