uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
