wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
