And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
