guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
we're so committed to being not committed
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