they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize