I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I think my vagina is haunted
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
