If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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