um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
