Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
