OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
