Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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