Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
