I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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