In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
