look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
