Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
