I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
