True but thats because hes a fetus.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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