i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
