Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize