Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
