Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You need Xanax blowdarts
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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