Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
