So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
