I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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