dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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