Me too!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Randomize
