Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
