and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
