I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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