I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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