You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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