smell my finger.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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