Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
