i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
