I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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