hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
