Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize