If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
