I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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