My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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