my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
