I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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