Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This is my gift to your gina
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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