I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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