i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
we're so committed to being not committed
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
