Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize