I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
