having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
