I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
