i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
