she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
