Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
