I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
