why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
