I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
