Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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