oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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