I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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