I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
