Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
