If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
