If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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