the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
