It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
