Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
