I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
