My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i've created a new STD.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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