so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
