Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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