i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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