Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
