sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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