Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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