Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
the liver wants what the liver wants
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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