She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
well most of my day revolves around power hour
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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