I murdered the dance floor call the cops
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize