I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
