super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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