She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
