I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
