I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
