Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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