I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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