we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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