haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
