It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
