I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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