I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
